Worms World Party

I'll bet you thought this was going to be one of the zanier posts, didn't you? Well zany, yes, but not zaniest. And it does have a point to it. Really!

The title of this blog post refers to a series of games called "Worms." The games were created by a software company called Team17. They're over in Great Britain, which explains a lot about the game (no offense intended to any British reading this). Basically, you control a team of cute, cartoony worms that go around with bazookas, grenades, machine guns, exploding sheep, etc, trying to blow each other up.

I was introduced to the series many years ago, before I was married, with "Worms 2." A year or two later, I purchased "Worms Armageddon," which was the latest version (at the time). I used to play with Susie once in a while after we got married. However, we were both a bit less mature than we are now, and the games weren't particularly fun.

I ditched the game (along with all of the rest of my collection) about five years ago in the first of my computer game purges. A few months later, I downloaded the trial version of "Worms World Party" at work. But I hadn't touched the game since then.

Until tonight.

Curiously enough, Susie was the one that suggested it. We have both had a DAY with the kids (you parents know what I mean), and a word game just wasn't going to cut it tonight. Sometimes you just need to blow things up. And what better target than cute, cartoony worms?

I was able to locate the same trial version that I downloaded five years ago, and we played it tonight. And we both had a blast (pun intended)! Susie also thinks that Esther would enjoy the game. I agree. Such a game would be just her thing, especially since she seems to share a lot of my characteristics. I think Jayson would enjoy it too.

Susie is on the phone right now, so I made an executive decision and purchased it. I could have gotten it straight from Team17 on CD, but the shipping was a lot. I was able to get it from an online download site for only a few dollars more, and the game will be available now (it's at 68% downloaded at the moment).

So why the long ramble about a computer game? Well first, it is my blog, so I can ramble however I feel like, thank you very much. ;) Secondly, I really enjoy the game. It's amazing how fast the controls, weapons, and strategy came back to me.

But most importantly, the game is indicative of how much Susie and I have grown and healed, both individually and in our relationship with each other. We can play the game and enjoy both it and each other's company. We couldn't do that five years ago. It is delightful for me to see. It is also enjoyable for me to be able to share a good game with Susie. For better or worse, computer games are a part of my life, and it's nice to be able to share that portion of my life with my wife (hey, that rhymed).

I'm remembering that growth in emotions or in a relationship is like physical growth in a child. Although it is hard to see when you compare one day to another, it is still there. And when you look back over a longer period, the growth is easy to see.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go. A cute, cartoony worm is crawling in my direction, and I think he's holding a flamethrower.

Marriage

This has to be my shortest title yet, and yet there is so much in that one single word. I've been thinking about marriage more these days, perhaps due to attending one wedding this past Saturday, talking about parts of my own marriage with my beloved Susie, and some good friends getting engaged last night (well, actually early this morning if you want to be technical about it, which I often do :-).

Most people (or at least many people) go into marriage expecting roses, romance, and bliss. As the old joke goes, the girl about to get married joyfully exclaimed to her mother, "I'm at the end of all my troubles." To which her mother wisely replied, "Yes, dear, but which end?" I don't wish to focus on the fact that marriage has difficulties, troubles, and many opportunities to grow. I think that is common knowledge (with the possible exception of some newlyweds). I wish to focus a bit on my own feelings about marriage.

This may not be the cheerful, off-the-wall, slightly sarcastic post that you are used to. If that's what you're hoping for, you may have to wait for the next post. It is my blog, after all. ;)

You see, unlike many engaged people, I didn't come into marriage expecting happiness and bliss. I came in expecting struggles. In fact, I remember getting quite annoyed with the instructor in our weekly marriage preparedness class (this was back when I was engaged). He spent so much time talking about the challenges, that I began to get frustrated. At one point, I even raised my hand and asked about the good parts of marriage. I suppose that his lesson had a point, as most of the other couples in the room had their head in the clouds a bit and needed to be brought a little closer to the earth. But I really wanted to hear some more positive things, already being aware of the challenges that were coming. Also, the instructor's voice had a tendency to jump up about 30 decibels randomly during the class. That was annoying too. And then there was that hideous egg timer that we got for a wedding present...

But I digress. As I have grown older, and hopefully a little wiser, I have come to a greater understanding of marriage. The ideal marriage consists of three, not two, individuals: the husband, the wife, and the Lord. I also believe that these three individuals can form a triangle, with the Lord at the top, and the husband and wife on the bottom corners. As husband and wife draw closer to the Lord, they also draw closer to each other.

I also believe that the marriage is only as strong as the weakest of its three component parts. Now we know the Lord is never weak. His strength is infinite and eternal. My wife is also one of the strongest individuals I have ever met. That doesn't make it too hard to pick our the weak link, does it?

So much of my attitude toward marriage is an outgrowth of my feelings toward myself. I have always struggled with feelings of self-worth, even from my younger years. As I am not overly comfortable in my own presence, I struggle to even fathom that others would want to be near me, and enjoy spending time with me. That others would consider time spent with me to be a treat, rather than a burden. These kind of feelings do make it difficult for closeness to grow in a marriage. Many of the attempts Susie has made to draw closer to me have been rebuffed by me, not maliciously or deliberately, but out of my own feelings of lack of worth.

Yet I also believe that marriage can offer some of the greatest joys that life has to give. To have another individual to walk life's journey next to me. To have someone to talk to and to listen to, to learn and laugh and love and work and play together. Someone to cheer for me when I am down, and I able to do the same for her.

And yet, none of it comes without work. There is never a lack of work to do in a marriage or a home, especially a home with small children. And yet, there is joy to be found in the day to day things, if one is only open to finding it.

The scary thing about become close in marriage is opening oneself more deeply to another. This is especially hard when one is not very comfortable with oneself. One who has been rejected many times often blocks off further closeness to protect oneself. And yet, is the enforced closeness, the walls so high and door so thick, is that any way to live? Is that any way for my wife to live?

I have seen much growth and progress in my personal life over the last 6+ years since I was married. I am blessed to have a wonderful and supportive wife, who would show me love so greatly if I were but to allow her to do so more often. It is good to be married. I certainly would never choose to return to the single life (especially single life with roommates. I got my share of the weird ones there close to the end).

And yet, I feel a yearning to be a better husband to my beloved wife. It feels like so much of it rests on me and my healing and progress. And it feels like I have such a long way to go. But when you get right down to it, what on this earth is more important than family? And who in the family is more important than your spouse?

Random Thoughts

Quite a bit has happened this last two weeks, so this may come across as an information dump. If so, feel free to skip this entry. :)

• A good friend of the family got sealed yesterday in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Susie and I were able to attend. It has been quite some time since I've attended a live sealing, since most of my friends got married years ago. It was good to watch and remember. Also, I felt honored to attend, as most of the guests were immediate family.
• I was one of the first three people in the sealing room (Susie was going through the endowment session with April at the time). I had the opportunity to just sit back, look around, and admire the craftsmanship in the temple. The work inside is exquisite. The attention to detail is everywhere. From the crown molding to the altar to the chandelier, all is beautiful and fine. Truly, it is the House of the Lord.
• The Mt. Timpanogos temple is also unique in its large stained glass windows. One of the windows is visible in the stairwell that I took to and from the sealing room. The windows are absolutely gorgeous, and I was grateful for the opportunity to view them at close range.
• Esther is starting to get her permanent teeth. A couple of weeks ago, she lost one of her bottom center teeth while Susie and I were out on a date. The other one fell out later that same night. Needless to say, the tooth fairy paid Esther a visit, and gave her two quarters (or as Esther calls them, "The Master of the Bird"). A few days later, I noticed a white spot protruding from her gums on the bottom, the sure sign of a permanent tooth. While I'm glad my little girl is growing up, the poor thing is sure to need some orthodontics when she gets older.
• Jayson is slowly coming out of his terrible twos. He can be reasoned with now (sometimes), which is nice. Sometimes I'll explain a situation to him, and he'll respond with, "Okay." He has also become verbally affectionate over the past few weeks. My favorite is, "I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad you're here." And a close second is, "You're the best Daddy ever!" I know I'm not the best Daddy ever (that would be Heavenly Father), but I'm glad my son loves me. He also loves his sisters. Today, just the two of us went to church, as the girls had the sniffles. As we started to back out of the driveway, Lizzie came to the gate and started howling, as we were leaving without her. Jayson said, "Poor Lizzie Boo." Very compassionate from a boy who's not quite three.
• Lizzie is certainly our most passionate child. She is the happiest, and also the crabbiest of the three, sometimes within seconds of each other. She is doing much better at repeating words, and her vocabulary is exploding. Yesterday, I was pointing at parts of her body and saying the name. She would then point at the same part and repeat the name. I had fun going through all of the different major parts (nose, ear, eye, mouth, hand, fingers, leg, knee, toes, foot, tummy, chest), but my favorite to hear her repeat was "butt."
• Grandma came down over the weekend. She watched our little ones while Susie and I went to the wedding. She also had Esther up to her house for a couple of days, which Esther loves. I'm glad that my children are getting to know their Grandma Chris (or as Esther calls her, "My own own Grandma"). Some of my fondest childhood memories are time spend with my grandparents. Particularly my Grandpa Bair. I miss him.
• Susie continues to be the wife and the mommy, and does an excellent job at both. I really marvel that she is able to do all that she does. She is an amazing woman. I count myself blessed to be married to her.
• Work has been interesting. My boss is leaving in two weeks for another company. He found out about this just before leaving for a two week vacation, and was asked not to mention it to us. Problem is, someone in HR didn't get the memo, so the word got leaked to us a week and a half ago. It will be interesting to see how things change when we get a new boss. There's also been some talk about moving the office up to south Salt Lake area, although I can't for the life of me see a decent reason why. This is eerily similar to what happened to me at Waterford. I'm not jumping ship at this point, but I am definitely keeping my eyes open. With my skill set, I won't have difficulty getting another job, should I desire to do so.
• No change on any of my hobbies, although I did visit a local magic store (up in Draper) and browse the wares. I definitely want to expand my repertoire of tricks.
• Nothing else too exciting to report, so I will call it a post.

It's a post! ;)