More pictures for a new year

Hello all,
I originally planned to post an unusual and inspiring experience that happened to me a couple of days ago. But first, I want to post some more pictures. All of these were taken this year (2009). Enjoy!



Lizzie having fun after church.



Jayson and I wearing our new Christmas vests, compliments of Grandma.



Esther reading to Jayson at bedtime.



Lizzie's new hairdo.



The kids playing in the igloo Susie made in our front yard.

Here's a better shot of the igloo, although it's harder to see Esther and Jayson inside.

A few pictures

Here are a few pictures to go with my most recent post, and a couple that have absolutely no relation to my last post. Hey, I can't get too predictable, can I?

Susie and I in St. Louis. Gee, it actually looks like we like each other!

My NaNoWriMo "Winner" image. :)

Esther holds her latest "kill" (her ponytail).

Jayson coloring one of his favoritest things: Trains!

Lizzie just being cute (and boy, does she know it!)

My girls. :) Aren't I a lucky guy? I think so!

Boy, it's been awhile!

Hard to believe it's been two and a half months since I last blogged! I'm not going to try to fill you in on everything that I've done lately (I can hear the sighs of relief from here), but I will touch on a few highlights. Prepare yourself for the list format once again! *diabolical laughter from the shadows*

• In October, Susie and I had the opportunity to take a trip to St Louis, Missouri. A dear friend of the family was getting married, and we flew out to join the festivities. Maia and her beau were married in the St Louis temple, which I had never been to before. Unfortunately, the directions I got off of the web were a bit inaccurate. Getting there was a real trial of faith, but we did make it in time for the wedding. And with less than a minute to spare! (whew). The trip was also memorable for me because it is the longest trip that Susie and I have taken together without the kids since before Esther was born. Many thanks to Grandma Chris and Becky for watching our treasures so that Susie and I could get a much needed vacation.
• I participated in a challenge called NaNoWriMo in November. NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. I got started a few days late, but I successfully completed the challenge on November 29th! The novel isn't exactly in publishable format, but it was exhilirating to write it! I remember that I really enjoyed writing stories when I was a young boy in elementary school, and this is one of the first times since then that I have done it. And certainly, it is the longest story I have ever written. I suppose that one of these days I should actually finsh the story and then start revising it, but I haven't felt like it. But it was major progress toward one of my goals, which is a good thing.
• As far as my other goal goes, I haven't made huge progress in learning magic. But I got my interest rekindled earlier this month. On December 1st, the family went to a Christmas celebration at the Provo library. The festivities included a magician, who we went to see. Susie and I saw another magic show at my company's party later that week. The second magician was quite good, and rekindled some of the childlike wonder I feel toward magic. And through my studies, I have a pretty good idea how some of the magic works, which added to my enjoyment. I talked to the magician after the show, and learned that there is a local group of an international magician's organization that meets monthly in the Provo/Orem area! I hope to be able to attend one of their meetings in the near future.
• I got an award at work last week. Every quarter, a few employees get an "Above and Beyond" award. My supervisor nominated me for the award, and I received it at the company meeting. The award came with a nice certificate and an equally nice cash award. :) I don't need the recognition, but it is nice all the same.
• After almost five and a half years, Esther decided to get her hair cut. She looks different with short hair, but still cute. In fact, the cuteness comes from inside, so Esther would be cute even with no hair at all. She is also donating the hair to Locks of Love, something that Susie encouraged her to do (having participated in the charity herself). I think that is a good thing to do. I would donate myself, but I don't think I would look very good with long hair.

Those are the main highlights. There have also been several challenges over the last two or three months, but I don't think I'll focus on them right now. Suffice it to say, I would shed no tears if I didn't go back to work until next year. Oh well. I only have to work two days next week, so I guess I won't complain too loudly.

A Small Piece of Self Acceptance

I had an interesting experience on Tuesday night. Tuesday is my racquetball night. The local fitness center has a racquetball league in the fall and winter, and I have participated for several years. It is enjoyable, and I get to see a lot of different play styles, along with a wide range of skill levels.

Now in racquetball, there are those who are professional players, and those who are more recreational players. I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle. I'm not really good enough to consider myself a pro, but I am reasonably good, and I enjoy playing regularly. I've toyed with the idea of playing more often and practicing more to boost my skill level, but I've never been serious enough about it (when it comes down to it, I really dislike doing drills, which are necessary to get really good. Also, I would also need to lose quite a bit of weight).

As I got home after league on Tuesday night, I hopped into the shower. It's amazing how many of my "Aha" moments come in the shower! Anyway, I realized that I accepted myself as a recreational racquetball player. That may seem like a simple statement. However, being a perfectionist, I rarely accept any portion of myself or my behavior. So just being able to accept a small portion of myself is a big thing. I further realized that I am okay where I am. I am content to be a recreational racquetball player, who goes and plays once a week or so.

It's nice to be able to accept a part of myself. I believe that I need to accept myself where I am before I can change.

Sick Inside

I just experienced one of a parent's worst nightmares. On a short family walk this evening, I saw Esther ride her tricycle out into a busy road as a car approached. Susie and I both screamed her name in unison. Fortunately, the car stopped and there was no harm done, but I still feel sick inside. Both Susie and I tried to explain the seriousness of what had happened, because I don't think Esther gets it. She doesn't understand.

I love Esther dearly. I don't think I could handle it emotionally if I lost her at this time. I'm grateful that she is okay. I'm not sure whether I want to hug her, throttle her, or ground her, or all three at once!

Maybe it's time for the lesson involving the milk jug filled with sand that is placed in the road for a car to run over. Perhaps that will get the lesson through.

Good Kids

You know, sometimes I think my children get a bad rap on my blog. And that shouldn't be. They are very good kids. They are also young, and are going through the process of learning and growing by making choices, both good and bad. Not so different from me, except I have a little more experience.

And as the old saying goes, "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." :)

I wanted to post a few positive things after my last blog post. First, I'd like to talk a bit about Esther. She is loving Kindergarten. She has made at least one friend. Her friend's name is Hannah, and she sits in the desk next to Esther. Although I haven't met Hannah yet, I did see her picture on the classroom door, and she looks like a character. Esther wants to have Hannah over at some point, and I think I would like that. It cheers my heart to see my daughter gaining social experience.

Esther also has confidence going into school. I originally planned to walk her to class the whole first week (I drive Esther to school because it is right on my way to work). After the first two days, I felt prompted to ask her if she wanted me to go in with her, or if she wanted to go herself. She indicated that she wanted to go herself. A moment later, she said, "I can go into school myself! I know where my class is!" Very rewarding moment. I am glad to see my little girl developing independence.

And now for Jayson. Jayson is a very sweet and loving boy. I took him and Esther to their dental checkup (Jayson's first, and he did spectacularly), and we went out to lunch afterwards. As we were eating, he told me, "Daddy, you are my good friend," which is one of his favorite sayings lately (I've grown quite fond of it myself). A moment later, he turned to Esther and said, "You are my good friend too." He then proceeded to get off his chair and go over and give her a hug, which was returned. I smiled widely as my heart took a picture of my oldest daughter and my son sharing a hug. As much as they may sometimes pick at each other, I know that they love each other.

Jayson also loves his baby sister, Lizzie. A couple of weeks ago, while they were still sleeping in the same room (we've since moved Lizzie back in with Esther), she was fussing and crying one evening, verbally expressing her desire to not go to bed. I was giving myself a break from Lizzie's fits. Suddenly, I heard a voice from the room start to sing, "I Need Thee Every Hour," which is one of Lizzie's favorite hymns. It took me just a moment to realize that it was Jayson! My heart was touched as I realized that my son was concerned for his sister, and was trying to comfort her in the best way that he knew how. Not bad at all for a three-year-old boy!

And then there is my Lizzie. She is a passionate child in all that she does. She brings great joy and delight into our family. She has a wonderful impish smile that makes me wonder what trouble she is thinking of getting into next. :) She also has a lovely singing voice, and likes to dance and spin around. She also enjoys the game where she runs down the hall and jumps on me, "knocking me over." Must be very empowering to my small one.

Lizzie is also discovering books, and she really is doing better about going to sleep at night.

I have three good children, and I love them very much. No matter what their actions may be, I will always love them. As a Daddy, I am beginning to get a slight glimpse of how Heavenly Father and Jesus must feel about me.

Daddy is an ogre

Or at least I sure feel like one lately. It seems like I am always getting on the kids about something. Don't get me wrong. I adore my children. They are intelligent, fun, funny, clever, and sweet. They are also whiny, demanding, crabby, and boundary pushers, and sometimes I want to throttle the whole lot of them! It's hard being the father of three children, age 5 and under. It's really hard. I don't think I acknowledge that fact enough. It's hard!

So much of the time, I come home weary, and it doesn't take much from the kids to get me going. I don't like feeling crabby towards them. I don't like being the "executioner," as I sometimes call myself. Sometimes it feels like all I do is lay down the law, and get the kids ready for bed. I have memories from a few years ago when I actually played with the children more. I read to them. I had fun with them. I don't have as much fun these days.

Things got really difficult after we had our third child. They say that number three is the hardest one on the family, and I believe it. I've really become worn out over the past two years, and my old coping strategies aren't working for me. I want to reach out to the Lord more for strength, but it is really hard for me. I'm so used to taking care of myself and doing things for myself. I'm independent to a fault, and I've been that way for as long as I can remember. It's hard to reach out to anyone for help and strength, even someone as wonderful as Jesus. I'm really struggling right now, and I feel like I'm reaching the end of my rope.

I'm sitting in the computer room at Aspen Grove writing this because I've been an ogre this evening, and I want it to stop. I want to be able to enjoy a vacation with my family. You know, I think I'm beginning to understand why my Uncle Ralph doesn't enjoy vacations and special events very much. Lots of work, lots of stress, lots of money, and people who whine about what they don't have instead of appreciating what they are given. Sometimes I feel the same way toward my kids. I'm sure that sometimes God feels that way about me. I understand why God wants us to be grateful and thankful for the rich blessings He has given us, instead of always asking Him for more.

I don't know where this post is going. I just needed to get the feelings out somewhere. For those of you who may be reading this, please remember me in your prayers. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I have seen miracles happen due to the prayers of the believers. I believe that prayer can even turn me from an ogre back into a human being.