Esther starts Kindergarten tomorrow. It's hard to believe. I have numerous feelings at this point. First off, I'm excited for her. This will be a good opportunity for her to learn, grow, and make new friends. She is also excited right now, and I hope that continues. She's got her backpack packed and ready, and she has visited the classroom twice.
I'm also a bit amazed at how fast the time has gone. It doesn't seem like that long since my kindergartner was a tiny little baby, who enjoyed spitting up on me regularly. When I stop to think about it, it boggles my mind how quickly she has gone from a tiny baby to an eager kindergartner.
I'm slightly apprehensive. My schooling experience was not the most pleasant at times. Not the learning so much as the social. Esther will have some of those challenges too, but I am comforted that she has extra resources to draw on that I did not have. I think I mentioned them in an earlier blog post, but they bear repeating. Esther has a daddy, two siblings, and a church support network, three things that I did not have. I know that it will make a difference. As her teacher said, no child comes with everything. Some parents will be working on the ABC's with their children (Esther has known them since age 2). Others (like Susie and myself) will be working with their children socially.
I'm realizing that many things will be changing. I got a taste of this when I was scheduling our Aspen Grove trip earlier this year. I had to choose a week around the school schedule. Things won't be quite so happy-go-lucky as they used to. Of course, part of that is a good thing. As I will be Esther's ride into school each morning, it will encourage me to have better sleep habits, and I will be getting into work at the same time (and earlier time) more consistently.
I'm tired. That is pretty much a given by this time of night. :)
I'm grateful that I have the Priesthood. I gave Esther a "Back-to-School" blessing. I plan on doing this for each of my children once a year. After I finished with Esther's blessing, Jayson and Lizzie also expressed a desire for one. Although they aren't starting school yet, they are impacted by this change (as Susie wisely pointed out), so I gave each of them a blessing as well. I'm grateful and humbled that I can stand in Jesus' place, and attempt to do the things that He would do if He were here.
I'm also realizing that my little girl is growing up. I hope that I have taught her wisely and well, because she is going into a larger world, where more words and opinions will be thrown at her. As much as I would sometimes like to be there for her all the time, I realize that I will not always be there to help her, and it is time for her to learn to stand on her own a little bit. That is part of the growing up process. I knew it was painful when I was going through it. Now I can see a little bit of what it is like being on the other side, as a parent. It is a good step, but it will change all of us.
I'm grateful that, no matter what happens, Esther will always be my little girl. That will never change.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Fair Consequences
Jayson is my delightful son, who just turned three. He is polite, helpful, thoughtful, and full of energy. Earlier today, he wanted to help me empty the dishwasher. I showed him where the various items of silverware go in the drawer, and he got most of them right. He sometimes says very sweet things. My recent favorite is, "Daddy, you're my good friend." Yesterday, we went to Lowe's together to pick up a replacement spark plug for the lawn mower (which, unfortunately, is dead). We also went to Toys R Us and played with the trains.
Now lest you think I have the perfect toddler, let me assure you that I have no such delusions when it comes to my son. He can also be crabby, stubborn, and mean to his sisters. He's been going through a phase where he likes to push, hit, and kick. I'm hoping it is a very short phase. In the meantime, we have a couple of consequences set up (yes, I'm getting to the point of my post eventually, bear with me :-). Sometimes I will sit on him, particularly if he has hit or kicked. He really doesn't like that. If he gets pushy, he gets sent to his room with the door shut.
I had an unexpected opportunity to show Jayson that consequences apply to all family members. Just before we went to church, I called downstairs for the children to come up and put on their shoes. In fact, I called down several times. I was already a bit crabby, and the fact that I got no response from downstairs did little to improve my mood. I stomped downstairs, and got there just in time to see Jayson knock Lizzie down. I'm sad to admit it, but in my anger, I went and knocked Jayson to the floor also. I immediately felt bad about it.
Jayson went upstairs, crying, and told Mommy what I had done. I came up right behind him, and admitted what I had done, and that it was wrong. I knelt down to apologize to him, and suddenly had a flash of inspiration. Since he usually gets sent to his room when he does that, I should get sent to my room. So I went into the bedroom, and invited Jayson to close the door on me, which he did with some enthusiasm.
A small, silly little incident? Perhaps. But it also teaches an important lesson. Daddy is not exempt from the rules. Consequences should be fair when possible, and that includes me. It shows that the rules are important to everyone, and everyone needs to follow them.
Now lest you think I have the perfect toddler, let me assure you that I have no such delusions when it comes to my son. He can also be crabby, stubborn, and mean to his sisters. He's been going through a phase where he likes to push, hit, and kick. I'm hoping it is a very short phase. In the meantime, we have a couple of consequences set up (yes, I'm getting to the point of my post eventually, bear with me :-). Sometimes I will sit on him, particularly if he has hit or kicked. He really doesn't like that. If he gets pushy, he gets sent to his room with the door shut.
I had an unexpected opportunity to show Jayson that consequences apply to all family members. Just before we went to church, I called downstairs for the children to come up and put on their shoes. In fact, I called down several times. I was already a bit crabby, and the fact that I got no response from downstairs did little to improve my mood. I stomped downstairs, and got there just in time to see Jayson knock Lizzie down. I'm sad to admit it, but in my anger, I went and knocked Jayson to the floor also. I immediately felt bad about it.
Jayson went upstairs, crying, and told Mommy what I had done. I came up right behind him, and admitted what I had done, and that it was wrong. I knelt down to apologize to him, and suddenly had a flash of inspiration. Since he usually gets sent to his room when he does that, I should get sent to my room. So I went into the bedroom, and invited Jayson to close the door on me, which he did with some enthusiasm.
A small, silly little incident? Perhaps. But it also teaches an important lesson. Daddy is not exempt from the rules. Consequences should be fair when possible, and that includes me. It shows that the rules are important to everyone, and everyone needs to follow them.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
August has been better than July
Hello, all. Gee, it's been awhile since I've written anything! That may be good or bad depending on your point of view. Of course, I'm not twisting anyone's arm to read this, so I won't worry. :)
We had an enjoyable vacation earlier this month. We went up to Aspen Grove, which is run by the BYU alumni association. They do marriage retreats, conferences, and family camps (both full and half week). We did a half-week family camp last year, and really enjoyed it, so we signed up for the full week experience this year. It's really nice, because the price (which is quite reasonable, by the way) includes lodging, food, and all activities! And there is so much stuff to do, that there isn't time to do it all.
Of course the best part from my point of view is that they have activities for every age group, and they take your children for part of the day each day. :D I love my children very much, and I love them even more after I have had a break from them. It's nice to do things with just Susie, and by myself.
Some of the things that I did included racquetball, archery, air rifle shooting, a Dance Dance Revolution contest, frisbee golf, shuffleboard, and taking naps. I also had ice cream from the store for four days in a row. Yummy! We also took part in the family talent show on Monday night. We did a story called "Browniecurls and the Three Lairds" (any relation to a similar story that you may have heard is purely intentional). That one was a big hit, including our running gag about the youngest Laird ("Lizzie who was two. Enough said."). People commented about it to us for the rest of the week.
Some of the things I may try in future years include the ropes course, a GPS course, a nice long hike, arts and crafts, and going to the guest lecture (none of the offerings appealed to me this time around). Definitely an enjoyable time.
Sadly, we came back to the real world with a bump (literally), and at rapid speed. As we were packing up, I took Lizzie with me to the truck with a loaded luggage cart. After unloading it, I thought she might enjoy a ride back to the room on the cart, which she did...at first. Unfortunately, as I was going around a corner, I heard a thump, followed by a loud scream. Lizzie had rolled off of the cart, and landed face first on the concrete! I also inadvertantly ran over one of her fingers with the cart! Needless to say, I felt terrible. We took her to the Instacare, and found out (fortunately) that the bump was not serious or concussion-inducing. The finger, sadly, is taking longer to heal. But she seems to be okay overall, and she has been able to express herself with the words, "Owie" and "That hurts."
Anyway, on to other topics of interest. Esther will be starting kindergarten in a week. She met her teacher Ms. Thompson on Friday. The whole family went to meet her. Esther was understandably nervous. After all, she was in a building she'd never been in before meeting a person she'd never met before. I figure it was much like I would feel at a job interview, except Esther's interviewer is nicer. However, Esther warmed up to the teacher by the time she started the assessment. Susie and I were both very impressed with the teacher. Jayson and Lizzie enjoyed playing with the toys in the classroom.
Esther did very well on her assessment. I was watching a listening from a different part of the classroom whilst trying to keep my younger two from destroying the place. Ms. Thompson asked Esther about letters, numbers, patterns, colors, and shapes. She also had her read some short words, and asked some story comprehension questions. The teacher confirmed what we already knew: Esther is very intelligent. Her focus in kindergarten will be on the social aspect, moreso than the academic.
Again, no surprise there. The poor thing takes after her father in that regard. If nothing else, I will be able to be compassionate and understanding as she grows up. I know exactly what it feels like to be intellectually gifted and to struggle a bit socially. However, Esther will have several advantages that I did not have. This is a comfort to me. Esther has a brother and a sister, so she has already had practice at socialization to a degree. Esther also has a father on the earth. My father died when I was one and a half, and I know that made a difference for me, just as I can make a difference for Esther. Third, Esther attends church. This gives her further opportunities for social interaction, as well as an additional support network.
Although Esther will certianly have her challenges in school (don't we all?), I think she will turn out just fine. She's a strong girl, and a very good girl as well. I don't think she will struggle socially as much as I did. And to paraphrase Gordon B Hinckley, when talking about one of his sons, "He has a wonderful mother. I wish I could recommend his father to you." :D
What else has been going on? The new "Clone Wars" movie came out in theaters a week or so ago. Although the critics panned it, I enjoyed it. Certainly not the best Star Wars movie I've ever seen, but if you can take the show for what it is, an introduction to the upcoming TV series, it is enjoyable in its own right. Besides, I got to see more of Count Dooku, who is one of my favorite characters (big surprise there). In fact, I was able to troop the release with my Star Wars group (the Alpine Garrison) on Saturday, the day after we got back from Aspen Grove. I hadn't worn my Dooku costume in some time, so it was nice to put it on again. I had more fun at this event than I had had trooping in some time.
My favorite part of the troop was at the end. As I went out to the front of the theater for the final time, I met a young boy and his father getting tickets. I leaned down to shake the young boy's hand. As I did so, his father pointed out the lightsaber in my other hand. To which the young boy replied, "Wow! Cool!" I saw him a moment or two later with the rest of his family. I heard him say, "Mom, look at that guy! Look at that guy!" It's the moments like that where I can connect with a child that makes the trooping worthwhile.
My second favorite moment of the troop was when a girl approached and solemnly informed me that I should leave the Dark Side. Staying true to character, I thanked her for her concerned and informed her that I was happy where I was. :D
I also had the opportunity to see some old friends briefly last weekend. J.D. and Gina Williams are friends of mine from my days in the singles ward. J.D. and I were roommates for a year or two. They married, and now have four children! They were in the area, and called me, asking if they could stop by and visit. Although the visit was less than an hour, it was sure good to see them again. Their children are beautiful, and quite the characters! It's always good to see old friends again. I've known them for a long time. Now I just need to track down some of my other old friends.
I think that covers the main highlights of the month. If you've made it this far in this blog post, I salute you! Thanks for reading. Until next time!
We had an enjoyable vacation earlier this month. We went up to Aspen Grove, which is run by the BYU alumni association. They do marriage retreats, conferences, and family camps (both full and half week). We did a half-week family camp last year, and really enjoyed it, so we signed up for the full week experience this year. It's really nice, because the price (which is quite reasonable, by the way) includes lodging, food, and all activities! And there is so much stuff to do, that there isn't time to do it all.
Of course the best part from my point of view is that they have activities for every age group, and they take your children for part of the day each day. :D I love my children very much, and I love them even more after I have had a break from them. It's nice to do things with just Susie, and by myself.
Some of the things that I did included racquetball, archery, air rifle shooting, a Dance Dance Revolution contest, frisbee golf, shuffleboard, and taking naps. I also had ice cream from the store for four days in a row. Yummy! We also took part in the family talent show on Monday night. We did a story called "Browniecurls and the Three Lairds" (any relation to a similar story that you may have heard is purely intentional). That one was a big hit, including our running gag about the youngest Laird ("Lizzie who was two. Enough said."). People commented about it to us for the rest of the week.
Some of the things I may try in future years include the ropes course, a GPS course, a nice long hike, arts and crafts, and going to the guest lecture (none of the offerings appealed to me this time around). Definitely an enjoyable time.
Sadly, we came back to the real world with a bump (literally), and at rapid speed. As we were packing up, I took Lizzie with me to the truck with a loaded luggage cart. After unloading it, I thought she might enjoy a ride back to the room on the cart, which she did...at first. Unfortunately, as I was going around a corner, I heard a thump, followed by a loud scream. Lizzie had rolled off of the cart, and landed face first on the concrete! I also inadvertantly ran over one of her fingers with the cart! Needless to say, I felt terrible. We took her to the Instacare, and found out (fortunately) that the bump was not serious or concussion-inducing. The finger, sadly, is taking longer to heal. But she seems to be okay overall, and she has been able to express herself with the words, "Owie" and "That hurts."
Anyway, on to other topics of interest. Esther will be starting kindergarten in a week. She met her teacher Ms. Thompson on Friday. The whole family went to meet her. Esther was understandably nervous. After all, she was in a building she'd never been in before meeting a person she'd never met before. I figure it was much like I would feel at a job interview, except Esther's interviewer is nicer. However, Esther warmed up to the teacher by the time she started the assessment. Susie and I were both very impressed with the teacher. Jayson and Lizzie enjoyed playing with the toys in the classroom.
Esther did very well on her assessment. I was watching a listening from a different part of the classroom whilst trying to keep my younger two from destroying the place. Ms. Thompson asked Esther about letters, numbers, patterns, colors, and shapes. She also had her read some short words, and asked some story comprehension questions. The teacher confirmed what we already knew: Esther is very intelligent. Her focus in kindergarten will be on the social aspect, moreso than the academic.
Again, no surprise there. The poor thing takes after her father in that regard. If nothing else, I will be able to be compassionate and understanding as she grows up. I know exactly what it feels like to be intellectually gifted and to struggle a bit socially. However, Esther will have several advantages that I did not have. This is a comfort to me. Esther has a brother and a sister, so she has already had practice at socialization to a degree. Esther also has a father on the earth. My father died when I was one and a half, and I know that made a difference for me, just as I can make a difference for Esther. Third, Esther attends church. This gives her further opportunities for social interaction, as well as an additional support network.
Although Esther will certianly have her challenges in school (don't we all?), I think she will turn out just fine. She's a strong girl, and a very good girl as well. I don't think she will struggle socially as much as I did. And to paraphrase Gordon B Hinckley, when talking about one of his sons, "He has a wonderful mother. I wish I could recommend his father to you." :D
What else has been going on? The new "Clone Wars" movie came out in theaters a week or so ago. Although the critics panned it, I enjoyed it. Certainly not the best Star Wars movie I've ever seen, but if you can take the show for what it is, an introduction to the upcoming TV series, it is enjoyable in its own right. Besides, I got to see more of Count Dooku, who is one of my favorite characters (big surprise there). In fact, I was able to troop the release with my Star Wars group (the Alpine Garrison) on Saturday, the day after we got back from Aspen Grove. I hadn't worn my Dooku costume in some time, so it was nice to put it on again. I had more fun at this event than I had had trooping in some time.
My favorite part of the troop was at the end. As I went out to the front of the theater for the final time, I met a young boy and his father getting tickets. I leaned down to shake the young boy's hand. As I did so, his father pointed out the lightsaber in my other hand. To which the young boy replied, "Wow! Cool!" I saw him a moment or two later with the rest of his family. I heard him say, "Mom, look at that guy! Look at that guy!" It's the moments like that where I can connect with a child that makes the trooping worthwhile.
My second favorite moment of the troop was when a girl approached and solemnly informed me that I should leave the Dark Side. Staying true to character, I thanked her for her concerned and informed her that I was happy where I was. :D
I also had the opportunity to see some old friends briefly last weekend. J.D. and Gina Williams are friends of mine from my days in the singles ward. J.D. and I were roommates for a year or two. They married, and now have four children! They were in the area, and called me, asking if they could stop by and visit. Although the visit was less than an hour, it was sure good to see them again. Their children are beautiful, and quite the characters! It's always good to see old friends again. I've known them for a long time. Now I just need to track down some of my other old friends.
I think that covers the main highlights of the month. If you've made it this far in this blog post, I salute you! Thanks for reading. Until next time!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Mark and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month
I'm very glad that the month of July is over. It has been a rotten month in many ways. Here are some of the "highlights" of my month:
- Our main server at work became unstable, and was down for most of a week. When it was down, I was literally unable to do any work. Now don't get me wrong, some days I don't get much work done anyway, but I at least like to have the choice!
- Less than a week after our main server came back up, the people who provide the main file for our process made some upgrades to their system. After the upgrades, the file was unavailable for almost a whole 'nother week.
- For those of you counting at home, that means almost half of the month, I was unable to do work at work.
- Two of my team members left the company for other opportunities. One of them is my former boss/team lead, who is a good friend, has been there the whole three and a half years that I have been there, and takes with him a vast amount of domain knowledge. I'm happy for his new opportunity, but I'm still ticked that he left.
- Emotional turmoil within the family. I've had a couple of very difficult therapy sessions in July, and so has Susie. It's part of the healing process, I know, but it still sucks.
- Dental work. During my twice-a-year checkup, the dentist found six cavities. While filling them, he discovered two more. Yep, eight cavities total. And when I went in the first time, they were running late, so I got to make a return trip to get the rest of my teeth drilled on. Oh joy of joys.
- As a possibly related side note to the last item, I am flossing more regularly now, for the first time in a long time. Did I mention that most of the cavities were between my teeth?
- Truck repairs. The truck was due for 24,000 mile inspection, and needed a few things replaced. It's still in very good condition, but auto repair is never inexpensive.
- Car repairs. While picking up supplies for pack meeting near the end of the month, I stopped at my last stop to the disconcerting sight of my windshield fogging up. From the inside. On a 100 degree day. When I came out of the store five minutes later, I saw antifreeze pooling on both sides of my car, and a trail of antifreeze going back all the way to the parking lot entrance. Apparently, my car decided to empty the contents of the antifreeze system on the road. At least it was in civilization, rather than in the middle of nowhere. I was able to limp into the repair shop, and I got out of there with my wallet mostly intact. But I was without the car for three days, and I had to walk home from the repair shop in 100 degree weather, carrying pack meeting supplies. At least the auto repair place is close the my house.
- Car repairs - part 2. I came out of the house a couple of mornings ago to the lovely scent of gasoline. I looked under my car to find a small pool in the general vicinity of the gas tank. Needless to say, the car repair guy (Paul) was surprised to see me again so soon. And honestly, I was hoping to avoid paying a second visit to his establishment so soon after my previous visit. So now I will be needing a new gas tank. Again, my wallet will survive the blow, but I hope the next visit to him is none too soon.
- Truck repairs - part 2. When my wife got home from Salt Lake last ngiht, she took me out to show me where an individual had added a dent to the rear bumper of the truck. I guess he thought that remodeling our truck would be appreciated more than paying attention to the road. I need to give him a call, but next week would be a better time for that. I can tell you this much. He can pay me directly, or I will go through his insurance. I've had this happen twice before, and gotten stiffed both times. I am not footing the bill this time.
- Technically, this last item became apparent in August, but the cause happened in July, so I'm counting it. This morning, the first thing I woke up to was my daughter telling me, "Daddy, Jayson threw up." Just how I wanted to start my day. So my morning consisted of cleaning barf off of the carpet, and watching the children so that Susie (who also paid a visit to the porcelain throne this morning) could rest. Not exactly my idea of a three-day weekend. And the kicker was that it was Jayson's birthday today. It sucks to be sick on your birthday.
I'm very glad that July is over. I'm looking forward to a much better month in August.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Worms World Party
I'll bet you thought this was going to be one of the zanier posts, didn't you? Well zany, yes, but not zaniest. And it does have a point to it. Really!
The title of this blog post refers to a series of games called "Worms." The games were created by a software company called Team17. They're over in Great Britain, which explains a lot about the game (no offense intended to any British reading this). Basically, you control a team of cute, cartoony worms that go around with bazookas, grenades, machine guns, exploding sheep, etc, trying to blow each other up.
I was introduced to the series many years ago, before I was married, with "Worms 2." A year or two later, I purchased "Worms Armageddon," which was the latest version (at the time). I used to play with Susie once in a while after we got married. However, we were both a bit less mature than we are now, and the games weren't particularly fun.
I ditched the game (along with all of the rest of my collection) about five years ago in the first of my computer game purges. A few months later, I downloaded the trial version of "Worms World Party" at work. But I hadn't touched the game since then.
Until tonight.
Curiously enough, Susie was the one that suggested it. We have both had a DAY with the kids (you parents know what I mean), and a word game just wasn't going to cut it tonight. Sometimes you just need to blow things up. And what better target than cute, cartoony worms?
I was able to locate the same trial version that I downloaded five years ago, and we played it tonight. And we both had a blast (pun intended)! Susie also thinks that Esther would enjoy the game. I agree. Such a game would be just her thing, especially since she seems to share a lot of my characteristics. I think Jayson would enjoy it too.
Susie is on the phone right now, so I made an executive decision and purchased it. I could have gotten it straight from Team17 on CD, but the shipping was a lot. I was able to get it from an online download site for only a few dollars more, and the game will be available now (it's at 68% downloaded at the moment).
So why the long ramble about a computer game? Well first, it is my blog, so I can ramble however I feel like, thank you very much. ;) Secondly, I really enjoy the game. It's amazing how fast the controls, weapons, and strategy came back to me.
But most importantly, the game is indicative of how much Susie and I have grown and healed, both individually and in our relationship with each other. We can play the game and enjoy both it and each other's company. We couldn't do that five years ago. It is delightful for me to see. It is also enjoyable for me to be able to share a good game with Susie. For better or worse, computer games are a part of my life, and it's nice to be able to share that portion of my life with my wife (hey, that rhymed).
I'm remembering that growth in emotions or in a relationship is like physical growth in a child. Although it is hard to see when you compare one day to another, it is still there. And when you look back over a longer period, the growth is easy to see.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go. A cute, cartoony worm is crawling in my direction, and I think he's holding a flamethrower.
The title of this blog post refers to a series of games called "Worms." The games were created by a software company called Team17. They're over in Great Britain, which explains a lot about the game (no offense intended to any British reading this). Basically, you control a team of cute, cartoony worms that go around with bazookas, grenades, machine guns, exploding sheep, etc, trying to blow each other up.
I was introduced to the series many years ago, before I was married, with "Worms 2." A year or two later, I purchased "Worms Armageddon," which was the latest version (at the time). I used to play with Susie once in a while after we got married. However, we were both a bit less mature than we are now, and the games weren't particularly fun.
I ditched the game (along with all of the rest of my collection) about five years ago in the first of my computer game purges. A few months later, I downloaded the trial version of "Worms World Party" at work. But I hadn't touched the game since then.
Until tonight.
Curiously enough, Susie was the one that suggested it. We have both had a DAY with the kids (you parents know what I mean), and a word game just wasn't going to cut it tonight. Sometimes you just need to blow things up. And what better target than cute, cartoony worms?
I was able to locate the same trial version that I downloaded five years ago, and we played it tonight. And we both had a blast (pun intended)! Susie also thinks that Esther would enjoy the game. I agree. Such a game would be just her thing, especially since she seems to share a lot of my characteristics. I think Jayson would enjoy it too.
Susie is on the phone right now, so I made an executive decision and purchased it. I could have gotten it straight from Team17 on CD, but the shipping was a lot. I was able to get it from an online download site for only a few dollars more, and the game will be available now (it's at 68% downloaded at the moment).
So why the long ramble about a computer game? Well first, it is my blog, so I can ramble however I feel like, thank you very much. ;) Secondly, I really enjoy the game. It's amazing how fast the controls, weapons, and strategy came back to me.
But most importantly, the game is indicative of how much Susie and I have grown and healed, both individually and in our relationship with each other. We can play the game and enjoy both it and each other's company. We couldn't do that five years ago. It is delightful for me to see. It is also enjoyable for me to be able to share a good game with Susie. For better or worse, computer games are a part of my life, and it's nice to be able to share that portion of my life with my wife (hey, that rhymed).
I'm remembering that growth in emotions or in a relationship is like physical growth in a child. Although it is hard to see when you compare one day to another, it is still there. And when you look back over a longer period, the growth is easy to see.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go. A cute, cartoony worm is crawling in my direction, and I think he's holding a flamethrower.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Marriage
This has to be my shortest title yet, and yet there is so much in that one single word. I've been thinking about marriage more these days, perhaps due to attending one wedding this past Saturday, talking about parts of my own marriage with my beloved Susie, and some good friends getting engaged last night (well, actually early this morning if you want to be technical about it, which I often do :-).
Most people (or at least many people) go into marriage expecting roses, romance, and bliss. As the old joke goes, the girl about to get married joyfully exclaimed to her mother, "I'm at the end of all my troubles." To which her mother wisely replied, "Yes, dear, but which end?" I don't wish to focus on the fact that marriage has difficulties, troubles, and many opportunities to grow. I think that is common knowledge (with the possible exception of some newlyweds). I wish to focus a bit on my own feelings about marriage.
This may not be the cheerful, off-the-wall, slightly sarcastic post that you are used to. If that's what you're hoping for, you may have to wait for the next post. It is my blog, after all. ;)
You see, unlike many engaged people, I didn't come into marriage expecting happiness and bliss. I came in expecting struggles. In fact, I remember getting quite annoyed with the instructor in our weekly marriage preparedness class (this was back when I was engaged). He spent so much time talking about the challenges, that I began to get frustrated. At one point, I even raised my hand and asked about the good parts of marriage. I suppose that his lesson had a point, as most of the other couples in the room had their head in the clouds a bit and needed to be brought a little closer to the earth. But I really wanted to hear some more positive things, already being aware of the challenges that were coming. Also, the instructor's voice had a tendency to jump up about 30 decibels randomly during the class. That was annoying too. And then there was that hideous egg timer that we got for a wedding present...
But I digress. As I have grown older, and hopefully a little wiser, I have come to a greater understanding of marriage. The ideal marriage consists of three, not two, individuals: the husband, the wife, and the Lord. I also believe that these three individuals can form a triangle, with the Lord at the top, and the husband and wife on the bottom corners. As husband and wife draw closer to the Lord, they also draw closer to each other.
I also believe that the marriage is only as strong as the weakest of its three component parts. Now we know the Lord is never weak. His strength is infinite and eternal. My wife is also one of the strongest individuals I have ever met. That doesn't make it too hard to pick our the weak link, does it?
So much of my attitude toward marriage is an outgrowth of my feelings toward myself. I have always struggled with feelings of self-worth, even from my younger years. As I am not overly comfortable in my own presence, I struggle to even fathom that others would want to be near me, and enjoy spending time with me. That others would consider time spent with me to be a treat, rather than a burden. These kind of feelings do make it difficult for closeness to grow in a marriage. Many of the attempts Susie has made to draw closer to me have been rebuffed by me, not maliciously or deliberately, but out of my own feelings of lack of worth.
Yet I also believe that marriage can offer some of the greatest joys that life has to give. To have another individual to walk life's journey next to me. To have someone to talk to and to listen to, to learn and laugh and love and work and play together. Someone to cheer for me when I am down, and I able to do the same for her.
And yet, none of it comes without work. There is never a lack of work to do in a marriage or a home, especially a home with small children. And yet, there is joy to be found in the day to day things, if one is only open to finding it.
The scary thing about become close in marriage is opening oneself more deeply to another. This is especially hard when one is not very comfortable with oneself. One who has been rejected many times often blocks off further closeness to protect oneself. And yet, is the enforced closeness, the walls so high and door so thick, is that any way to live? Is that any way for my wife to live?
I have seen much growth and progress in my personal life over the last 6+ years since I was married. I am blessed to have a wonderful and supportive wife, who would show me love so greatly if I were but to allow her to do so more often. It is good to be married. I certainly would never choose to return to the single life (especially single life with roommates. I got my share of the weird ones there close to the end).
And yet, I feel a yearning to be a better husband to my beloved wife. It feels like so much of it rests on me and my healing and progress. And it feels like I have such a long way to go. But when you get right down to it, what on this earth is more important than family? And who in the family is more important than your spouse?
Most people (or at least many people) go into marriage expecting roses, romance, and bliss. As the old joke goes, the girl about to get married joyfully exclaimed to her mother, "I'm at the end of all my troubles." To which her mother wisely replied, "Yes, dear, but which end?" I don't wish to focus on the fact that marriage has difficulties, troubles, and many opportunities to grow. I think that is common knowledge (with the possible exception of some newlyweds). I wish to focus a bit on my own feelings about marriage.
This may not be the cheerful, off-the-wall, slightly sarcastic post that you are used to. If that's what you're hoping for, you may have to wait for the next post. It is my blog, after all. ;)
You see, unlike many engaged people, I didn't come into marriage expecting happiness and bliss. I came in expecting struggles. In fact, I remember getting quite annoyed with the instructor in our weekly marriage preparedness class (this was back when I was engaged). He spent so much time talking about the challenges, that I began to get frustrated. At one point, I even raised my hand and asked about the good parts of marriage. I suppose that his lesson had a point, as most of the other couples in the room had their head in the clouds a bit and needed to be brought a little closer to the earth. But I really wanted to hear some more positive things, already being aware of the challenges that were coming. Also, the instructor's voice had a tendency to jump up about 30 decibels randomly during the class. That was annoying too. And then there was that hideous egg timer that we got for a wedding present...
But I digress. As I have grown older, and hopefully a little wiser, I have come to a greater understanding of marriage. The ideal marriage consists of three, not two, individuals: the husband, the wife, and the Lord. I also believe that these three individuals can form a triangle, with the Lord at the top, and the husband and wife on the bottom corners. As husband and wife draw closer to the Lord, they also draw closer to each other.
I also believe that the marriage is only as strong as the weakest of its three component parts. Now we know the Lord is never weak. His strength is infinite and eternal. My wife is also one of the strongest individuals I have ever met. That doesn't make it too hard to pick our the weak link, does it?
So much of my attitude toward marriage is an outgrowth of my feelings toward myself. I have always struggled with feelings of self-worth, even from my younger years. As I am not overly comfortable in my own presence, I struggle to even fathom that others would want to be near me, and enjoy spending time with me. That others would consider time spent with me to be a treat, rather than a burden. These kind of feelings do make it difficult for closeness to grow in a marriage. Many of the attempts Susie has made to draw closer to me have been rebuffed by me, not maliciously or deliberately, but out of my own feelings of lack of worth.
Yet I also believe that marriage can offer some of the greatest joys that life has to give. To have another individual to walk life's journey next to me. To have someone to talk to and to listen to, to learn and laugh and love and work and play together. Someone to cheer for me when I am down, and I able to do the same for her.
And yet, none of it comes without work. There is never a lack of work to do in a marriage or a home, especially a home with small children. And yet, there is joy to be found in the day to day things, if one is only open to finding it.
The scary thing about become close in marriage is opening oneself more deeply to another. This is especially hard when one is not very comfortable with oneself. One who has been rejected many times often blocks off further closeness to protect oneself. And yet, is the enforced closeness, the walls so high and door so thick, is that any way to live? Is that any way for my wife to live?
I have seen much growth and progress in my personal life over the last 6+ years since I was married. I am blessed to have a wonderful and supportive wife, who would show me love so greatly if I were but to allow her to do so more often. It is good to be married. I certainly would never choose to return to the single life (especially single life with roommates. I got my share of the weird ones there close to the end).
And yet, I feel a yearning to be a better husband to my beloved wife. It feels like so much of it rests on me and my healing and progress. And it feels like I have such a long way to go. But when you get right down to it, what on this earth is more important than family? And who in the family is more important than your spouse?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Random Thoughts
Quite a bit has happened this last two weeks, so this may come across as an information dump. If so, feel free to skip this entry. :)
- A good friend of the family got sealed yesterday in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Susie and I were able to attend. It has been quite some time since I've attended a live sealing, since most of my friends got married years ago. It was good to watch and remember. Also, I felt honored to attend, as most of the guests were immediate family.
- I was one of the first three people in the sealing room (Susie was going through the endowment session with April at the time). I had the opportunity to just sit back, look around, and admire the craftsmanship in the temple. The work inside is exquisite. The attention to detail is everywhere. From the crown molding to the altar to the chandelier, all is beautiful and fine. Truly, it is the House of the Lord.
- The Mt. Timpanogos temple is also unique in its large stained glass windows. One of the windows is visible in the stairwell that I took to and from the sealing room. The windows are absolutely gorgeous, and I was grateful for the opportunity to view them at close range.
- Esther is starting to get her permanent teeth. A couple of weeks ago, she lost one of her bottom center teeth while Susie and I were out on a date. The other one fell out later that same night. Needless to say, the tooth fairy paid Esther a visit, and gave her two quarters (or as Esther calls them, "The Master of the Bird"). A few days later, I noticed a white spot protruding from her gums on the bottom, the sure sign of a permanent tooth. While I'm glad my little girl is growing up, the poor thing is sure to need some orthodontics when she gets older.
- Jayson is slowly coming out of his terrible twos. He can be reasoned with now (sometimes), which is nice. Sometimes I'll explain a situation to him, and he'll respond with, "Okay." He has also become verbally affectionate over the past few weeks. My favorite is, "I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad you're here." And a close second is, "You're the best Daddy ever!" I know I'm not the best Daddy ever (that would be Heavenly Father), but I'm glad my son loves me. He also loves his sisters. Today, just the two of us went to church, as the girls had the sniffles. As we started to back out of the driveway, Lizzie came to the gate and started howling, as we were leaving without her. Jayson said, "Poor Lizzie Boo." Very compassionate from a boy who's not quite three.
- Lizzie is certainly our most passionate child. She is the happiest, and also the crabbiest of the three, sometimes within seconds of each other. She is doing much better at repeating words, and her vocabulary is exploding. Yesterday, I was pointing at parts of her body and saying the name. She would then point at the same part and repeat the name. I had fun going through all of the different major parts (nose, ear, eye, mouth, hand, fingers, leg, knee, toes, foot, tummy, chest), but my favorite to hear her repeat was "butt."
- Grandma came down over the weekend. She watched our little ones while Susie and I went to the wedding. She also had Esther up to her house for a couple of days, which Esther loves. I'm glad that my children are getting to know their Grandma Chris (or as Esther calls her, "My own own Grandma"). Some of my fondest childhood memories are time spend with my grandparents. Particularly my Grandpa Bair. I miss him.
- Susie continues to be the wife and the mommy, and does an excellent job at both. I really marvel that she is able to do all that she does. She is an amazing woman. I count myself blessed to be married to her.
- Work has been interesting. My boss is leaving in two weeks for another company. He found out about this just before leaving for a two week vacation, and was asked not to mention it to us. Problem is, someone in HR didn't get the memo, so the word got leaked to us a week and a half ago. It will be interesting to see how things change when we get a new boss. There's also been some talk about moving the office up to south Salt Lake area, although I can't for the life of me see a decent reason why. This is eerily similar to what happened to me at Waterford. I'm not jumping ship at this point, but I am definitely keeping my eyes open. With my skill set, I won't have difficulty getting another job, should I desire to do so.
- No change on any of my hobbies, although I did visit a local magic store (up in Draper) and browse the wares. I definitely want to expand my repertoire of tricks.
- Nothing else too exciting to report, so I will call it a post.
It's a post! ;)
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